Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
