Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
