he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
