I just made out with a guy for $7.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
