Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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