btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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