A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize