direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
