There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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