My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Randomize
