i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
