I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
