Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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