i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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