I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
