well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
never play flip cup with pint glasses
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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