it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
