Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
