shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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