so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
