i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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