thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
