Dude my mom stole all your condoms
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
