there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
