I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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