why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
