We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
