Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
