i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
