You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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