You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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