He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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