ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize