Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
