I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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