i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
