what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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