His pubic hair was longer than his dick
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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