Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
