I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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