I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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