So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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