Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize