Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
