Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Shitshow foam night was such a success
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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