Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
