i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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