so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
