My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Terrible idea I love it
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
