I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
