he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
