Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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