O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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