Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
