Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize