We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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