when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
