Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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