Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
