she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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