I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
