i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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