My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
