We're like a lot better than the average bears
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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