Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
